Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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