My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
