who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
