Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize