Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
