Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
