no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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