I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize