before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
