you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
