I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
