Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
