this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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