I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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