even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
