i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
