I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My nipple is on Facebook.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
