I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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