the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
