He told me they were just razor bumps!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
