in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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