I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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