I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
