god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
