He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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