I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I FOUND THE LEGS
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
