Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I am one with the molecules
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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