I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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