I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
