ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
