Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
