i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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