he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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