Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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