I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
