shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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