He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize