We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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