Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
