Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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