Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize