I feel great
I just peed on a car
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
