My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize