The best revenge is premature balding
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
should my penis look like a turkey
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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