Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
