Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
