I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
