I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
