That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
