Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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