Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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