My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
