apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
