I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
