dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize