I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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