Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
