So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
