I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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