I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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