So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
