We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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