Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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