Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
where are my eyebrows?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
