well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just found puke in my bra..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
