All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
