You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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