You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
