What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
